…and not giving a shit.
Lately I’ve been in kind of a rut. I feel like I’m walking over the same stretch of land and for every turn I make I wear down the ground a little more and it gets harder and harder to get out.
This has basically resulted in me not being able to find the will to care and I’m pretty much indifferent to most things and its just a mellow, middle ground all the time. The highs are few and far between and the lows are unexplained sadness. Things I cared about a couple of years ago I now just shrug away.
I know nothing will change if I don’t make the changes but I feel like I’m looking around a dark room with a tiny flashlight for the point. Because, what’s the point?
I have a caring and present family and a couple of good friends. I live a good life and I have very little to worry about. I’m so extremely privilege and have always been and it’s infuriating to not feel happy when I have so much.
This was a depressing post so I hope I’ll be back to a more upbeat topic next time.
Can you believe we’re already at the end of the year? The holiday spirit has arrived and I’m feeling festive. December is always a month when everything seems to be happening at the same time so I thought I would write down my plans for the month.
I’m planing to read the Shades of Magic trilogy by V.E. Schwab. I just started the first book and I’m currently 60 pages in and so far I’m intrigued. I’ve only heard good things so I don’t see a reason I wouldn’t love it.
I’m going to attempt making a Junk Journal for myself, from scratch. I’ve been watching a ton of junk journal videos and tutorials on youtube and I’m feeling mad inspired and ready to take on this project. December feels like the perfect month for being creative and journaling.
I need to start planing my 2018 bullet journal in time. Seriously me, you need to start planning your planning better. The last few months I’ve started planning the next month way too late and ended up with only half the months pages done when the 1st rolled around. And setting up a new year is so much bigger than just a single month, so I need to get on that. Post it notes are my friends.
Planing my sisters hen party. Need to get on that ASAP! Like yesterday.
Making my own Christmas cards, as I’ve said before, December = Creativity. Also equally important, send out the Christmas cards.
I’m sure I have other things I should be doing but these are the once I can come up with right now. I hope you also have some fun plans for December and that you are well and happy.
The time for TV-shows and series are finally back and I couldn’t be happier.
There’s 5 shows I’m looking forward to the most and oh my god can it be October yet?
Criminal Minds (27 Sep)
To be completely honest, I just finished the last season a couple of weeks ago. I kind of fell out of the excitement with the whole Reid thing, but after being encourage by my sister to finish it I’m definitely looking forward to the premier. And that major cliffhanger kind of gets the excitement to spike higher.
Scandal (5 Oct)
Last season. And I think I might not be the only one who say finally the last season. This show has run it’s course but I’m happy it gets a chance to finish off with a bang. The thing for me with this show is that everyone is a terrible person, and thats very intriguing. And for a majority of the characters I dislike them with a raw passion I save for very few shows. Still it’s a fun show to watch as it gets my blood pumping.
Supergirl (9 Oct)
3rd season of this show is about to start and what the season finale made me realize is I miss Cat Grant enormously and I’m such a big Karamel shipper I can’t describe the emotional and very tearful rollercoaster I was on in the final episode last season. But he will return! Yay! Hopefully sooner than later because. For me, this show is all about the love and the ships and the friendships. Because I can’t not obsess with Sanvers. Those two women might be the cutes/hottest thing on this entire show and I can’t wait to see what happens with them and the whole proposal-thing.
Flash (10 Oct)
This has been one of my favorite show since its season 1 but what I fell involve with in season 1 has slowly faded away and that’s Barrys positive, almost childlike wonder at the world around him. And I understand there needs to be some character development but he has lost all of that during the last two seasons. So my hopes for season 4 is that we will have a playful Barry back and a happy Cisco. I also hope Caitlin gets to keep her awesome powers, but maybe become more Caitlin than Killer.
Stranger Things (27 Oct)
This might be the freakiest show I’ve watched in a long time but it’s so good you guys. I was a bit late with jumping on this band wagon and only watched the show this summer but I devoured it in two days and then I went and watched every interview I could find to prepare myself for season 2. I’m guessing the second season will be just as dark and freaky and I’m all for it. Come out nicely in time for Halloween and you can bet I’ll binge watch this the second it’s released.
So these are the shows I’m going to follow like a hungry mouse follows the cheese. May the shows start off great and increase their awesomeness from there.
I have this thought in my head of what my perfect home looks like.
It has white pristine walls, a few handpicked decorations and all the furnitures are placed in perfect angles. Nothing is out of place or just lying around, everything got a place and a purpose. It’s like a decluttered heaven.
Truth is, as much as I would like to live a minimalist lifestyle it just isn’t me. I’m not saying I spend a lot of money but I’m far from frugal and I do splurge on things I might not always need. Those things have a tendency to need organizing every other week. But to be completely honest, I clean my desk about twice every year.
Just looking up I see seven full sets of different pens. Who needs that? I got arts and crafts supplies to last me until the apocalypse and if I would stopped buying books I could read one book a week and be set until this time next year.
It happens from time to time that I go through my apartment and declutter but I still keep so much you could never accuse me of living a minimalist lifestyle. Add on top of that my inability to keep things neat, it’s pretty much a mess the next week.
So while I might dream about a clean and minimalistic life it isn’t me. But to all of you minimalistic people out there, you have my admiration.
That’s my new number.
As of this Sunday I’m officially out of my twenties and moved into my thirties.
And it feels fucking weird. In the I-can’t-hid-the-fact-that-I’m-an-adult-kind-of-way.
I’m pretty sure I’m annoyingly average in my thoughts about adulthood. That feeling of underachievement is everywhere I look. You might know the feeling, that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that your life has been a waste so far.
Which to be completely honest is a load of bullshit. I’ve done a lot of stuff. It’s just not what you would consider the standard accomplishments for a successful person.
For example, in the last 12 years I’ve visited 25 countries. I’ve studied abroad and backpacked three times. I’ve studied over 20 courses at the university. I’ve had a job for the most part of the last 10 years. I’ve written 5 first drafts, all well over 70000 words.
And all that’s great but in measurable success, I’ve got nothing. For example, all those university courses doesn’t amount to anything because I don’t have the patient and motivation to stick to one subject long enough to finish a degree. And those 5 first drafts I’ve written are either waiting to be finish or to be revised.
A part of me think there’s something wrong with me and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked up symptoms for various mental illnesses. It’s like I’m trying to find explanations as to why I’m lazy and unmotivated. Instead of just woman up to the fact that I’m just lazy and unmotivated and comfortable.
And that’s great in many ways but it doesn’t get you anywhere in life. You don’t evolve or grow by staying comfortable. And while that might be the most cliché thing ever, it’s also hard to fess up to. The fact that I’m too comfortable.
So is this some kind of way for me to tell you I’m about to change things up? Spice up my life? I’m not sure to be honest. Because as hard as it is to fess up to this. It’s even harder to do something about it.